I joined Facebook when it was young and relatively immature (remember when it was TheFacebook.com?), so I’ve missed out on riding its usage peak. I just can’t compete with college undergraduates in terms of the number of free hours per week I’m willing to spend clicking through a web site.

But here, as far as I can tell, are a few ground rules for anyone who is just getting started with the Facebook phenomenon:

1. Add as many applications as you possibly can. The more people have to scroll to get to the bottom of your profile, the better. I think there are seven different “Zombie versus Vampire” applications available. Add them all.
2. Invite all of your friends to every app you find. Even if you don’t intend to use it. Because applications are fun. They do stuff! Even if you don’t want it. Like a zombie bite.
3. Post as many photos as you can of yourself drinking. Future employers will appreciate your willingness to share reflections of your social life with your extended network of friends.
4. Post as many photos as you can of other people drinking and “tag” them, so that it forces your pictures onto their profile. It might come in handy if you’re ever competing with them for your dream job.