I joined Facebook when it was young and relatively immature (remember when it was TheFacebook.com?), so I’ve missed out on riding its usage peak. I just can’t compete with college undergraduates in terms of the number of free hours per week I’m willing to spend clicking through a web site.

But here, as far as I can tell, are a few ground rules for anyone who is just getting started with the Facebook phenomenon:

1. Add as many applications as you possibly can. The more people have to scroll to get to the bottom of your profile, the better. I think there are seven different “Zombie versus Vampire” applications available. Add them all.
2. Invite all of your friends to every app you find. Even if you don’t intend to use it. Because applications are fun. They do stuff! Even if you don’t want it. Like a zombie bite.
3. Post as many photos as you can of yourself drinking. Future employers will appreciate your willingness to share reflections of your social life with your extended network of friends.
4. Post as many photos as you can of other people drinking and “tag” them, so that it forces your pictures onto their profile. It might come in handy if you’re ever competing with them for your dream job.

I got an Aliph Jawbone today and I can’t get enough of the slick product packaging. It’s genius. It’s gorgeous. It makes me want to buy a second one for my other ear.

I got a Twitter notification today that WaMuWhooHoo is following me. It’s not the first time (or the tenth time) that some random account has started following me in an attempt to get some eyeballs on itself. Normally these tactics are either for link-spammers (who get summarily blocked) or for bands trying to sell CDs online.

But a bank? Who in their right mind would invest money in an organization just because they came across this:

Our overdraft fees are now $30 per transaction! Whoo-Hoo!!!!

Washington Mutual, I know you’re trying to be hip, but can’t you show some restraint? Why do you have to join the ranks of the spammers and punk rockers who resort to twittering as a form of spam? Why you, WaMu?

Do we really need another war? This is in South America, of all places, where economies are still struggling to recover from decades of mismanagement. (Or, in the case of Venezuela, where economies are actively being mismanaged.)

Hugo Chávez seems to think we do, and President Bush is mincing no words in his support for Alvaro Uribe. But the Secretary of Defense doesn’t think a war is likely, and if it is, he doesn’t see us getting involved. I myself am unsure that our narco-fighting ally has much legal ground to stand on.

Colombia’s official stance is that they were in hot pursuit of Raúl Reyes. Now they’re also trotting out the weapons of mass destruction excuse. Can someone in Washington call and let them know it doesn’t work anymore? Even the U.S. isn’t buying it this time.

But why does Colombia get to have all the fun? We’ve been in hot (tepid?) pursuit of Osama bin Laden for years, and we pretty much know he’s hiding in Pakistan. That doesn’t mean we can start bombing around Quetta. If the Bush Administration isn’t able to solve the problem of striking Osama across an ally’s border, why should Colombia get a pass when the other country hates them?

In the end, it’s hard to side with the FARC guerrillas on this one. They are a vicious lot and present a serious threat to Colombian stability. Reyes deserved what he got. Besides, if we could put a guided missile on top of Osama bin Laden while he’s in his pajamas, we’d probably do it–better to ask forgiveness than seek permission. But if the cost of Colombia’s strike is a regional war with Venezuela, where the U.S. lacks the resources (or political will) to lend any real support, I question the cost/benefit of taking out a handful of Marxists.